BBC #1

I’ve learned that putting off goals by telling myself that I’ll start tomorrow or on any specific date that isn’t right now will ensure that I’ll never start. This is definitely not true for everyone but it damn sure is for me, ok? I have to start now.

Now, weight loss is a mind-fuck. You have to be mindful of what you’re putting into your body every time you consume something. Boss lady brings Italian food for lunch? You must monitor your consumption. You somehow find yourself in a room filled from floor to ceiling with cookies? You must monitor your consumption. I know mantras can help for some people when they’re faced with eating challenges (like “put that shit down!”) but I’ve yet to find one that works for me. Mindfulness is key to consistently eating foods that nourish your body and this is where I struggle the most.

Exercise is a little easier for me once I got past comparing myself to other’s workout habits. I can’t go from being sedentary to a cross fit instructor in two days; it’s just unrealistic. I give myself breaks and I also allow myself to only go to the gym for 15-30 minutes.

There have been times where I’ve driven to the gym, parked my car, extended my hand near the car door handle, and then subsequently drove away with my middle finger out the window. I keep myself from doing this now by ensuring myself that all I have to do is workout for 15-30 minutes. I usually end up working out for longer but allowing myself that freedom gets me in the door.

Here we go:

Current weight: 239 lbs

Goal weight: 200 lbs

Exercise Frequency: 5 days/wk

Intention: Mindful eating without OVEReating.

Girl, What Weight Loss Journey?

So, about me:

• I’ve been overweight since I was six years old.
• I was a daily binge eater throughout middle school and high school. I refused to eat during the day but then would go to town on ramen noodles, cookies, cakes, and any other type of processed food when I got home. I HATED my body and knew nothing about nutrition because they didn’t teach it in school. I had one health class in middle school and then nothing else. Like, what kind of shit is that?! Is it too much to teach personal finance and consistent health/wellness to middle/high school kids? Just basic life skills, right? Whatever so yeah, I was a binge eater and I didn’t even know that represented an eating disorder until recently.
• I gained close to 40 lbs in college by eating Wendy’s, personal (and not-so-personal) pizzas, and Chipotle daily and also not lifting even a pinky toe for exercise.
• I graduated and moved out on my own. I taught myself about nutrition and lost 30 lbs.
• I then experienced two very toxic situationships and gained 20 lbs back.
• I’m presently a yo-yo dieter lost in the sauce and I allow myself to binge on sweets and carbs because I feel like I deserve them.

I love to peruse YouTube for weight loss tips and motivation and I constantly see videos from women who have already lost the weight. While those are helpful (and absolutely necessary), where are those like me that are presently going through it? I’m so proud of those women, don’t get me wrong but where is the girl that struggles with it and obsesses over their weight every second of every day?

“Can I eat this and just work it off later?”

“I can’t wait to wear a crop top. I’m sick of my stomach.”

“I need to do better. I’ll get back on track tomorrow”

Shit’s hard, yo. It’s taken me 26 years to recognize that my mind does all of my bidding and that I haven’t learned to self-motivate because I never even knew that it was attainable. So now it’s hard to upgrade my mindset and get positive to stay positive. There has to be someone out there like me.

Truthfully, the purpose of this blog is for my own outward accountability: to be mindful consistently, to bless myself with a healthy body, and to stick to my goals. Posting this shit on the Internet for anyone to see could be a game changer for me and could also motivate someone else in the process. If one person reads my ranting and gets something positive from it, I’ve done my job.