BBC #4 (Week Three)

Week Three Wrap-Up:

I didn’t really make any changes, which is detrimental to my success.

I continue to eat too much and exercise at a limit that’s well under my full potential.

An episode of My 600lb Life that I watched made me tear up from empathy. The subject of that episode discussed how his addiction with food proved to be harder to break than his addiction to hard drugs. I half-agree – given that I’ve never done hard drugs – but I’ve always had an emotional connection with sweets. Sweets have always been my downfall because I associate sweets with self-care.

I’ll mosey into the bakery section at a grocery store and gaze at the assortment of multi-colored, sugary death traps and tell myself, “I deserve to have a treat”. And then I’ll do that every day, masking my true emotional issues with the false sensation of “self-care”. And then I gain 25 pounds.

What I Did Right

It’s really important to focus on the good things we do, no matter how small. Positivity attracts more positivity. I did force myself to workout three times last week and I made myself cook dinner twice.

What I Did Wrong

Indulged on all the sugar and bread my little heart desired. I ate mindlessly and I created excuses on why I didn’t have to go to the gym between Thursday-Sunday. I exceeded my calorie goals on most days.

Goals:

1. Follow the meal plan that my nutritionist gave me:

2. Allow myself ONE (1) sweet treat

3. Workout five (5) times this week. No excuses.

4. Practice mindful eating and self confidence. I’m going to achieve my goals by any means.

Current weight: 237 (no loss or gain)

My ultimate goal is to be at 227 by Christmas. It’s a stretch but I know I can do it.

BBC #2 (Week One)

This week started out strongly but eventually morphed into a wastebasket filled to the brim with failure.

I started out the week eating healthily. Meal prepping on Mondays saves me a lot of time, money, and energy. I exercised Monday and Wednesday and used Tuesday as a day to catch up on much needed sleep.

Then it happened…

On Thursday, I ventured down to the little convenience store in my office building. No bigger than a walk-in closet, the store provides plenty of items like bottled water, pop (not soda), popcorn, sugary sweets, chips, deli sandwiches, hummus, and the like. I averted my eyes from temptation; pivoting to stare toward the healthy snacks nearest the entryway. But the small wooden rack packed with plastic covered, machine manufactured food items in the back of the store called out to me. I struggled, lifted up one leg to pull myself toward the items I needed to fulfill my body. But I gave in. The culprit:

A “Greek Yogurt”Double Chocolate Chip Muffin

I put the Greek Yogurt in quotes because that’s typically only added to make the item seem healthier. It isn’t. Don’t fall for it. It’s still a packaged muffin pumped with preservatives, sugars, simple carbs, and 580 calories. There’s nothing nutritious about a packaged muffin. Nothing, I tell you.

So, yeah. I gave that muffin what it was asking for and felt like shit immediately after eating it. I tried to make myself feel better about it by convincing myself that I was taking my sweet time with it instead of shoving it into my mouth like I always do. I didn’t feel better, though…

After that moment, I had officially barrel-rolled off the wagon.

By Friday, I had already quit my workouts, ate a piece of cake that some a*clown brought in, and began overeating every meal. On Saturday night, I inhaled a batch of mozzarella sticks and a whole small pizza in one sitting before going out to a Halloween party (where, in fact, I saw my ex).

But with that being said, I know I can do this. I’ve lost the weight before; I can do it again.

Consistency is so important at this point of my journey.

Measurable goals could be what I need to implement to get me going.

I need to:

1. Be consistent. No overeating. Eat slowly.
2. Workout at least four times/week (even on vacation)
3. Don’t allow this week’s vacation to throw you off balance. You’re stronger than temptation no matter the setting.
4. Lose 1.5 pounds this week

End of Week One Weight: 239 lbs (3 pound gain)

Week Two Goal: 237.5 lbs

BBC #1

I’ve learned that putting off goals by telling myself that I’ll start tomorrow or on any specific date that isn’t right now will ensure that I’ll never start. This is definitely not true for everyone but it damn sure is for me, ok? I have to start now.

Now, weight loss is a mind-fuck. You have to be mindful of what you’re putting into your body every time you consume something. Boss lady brings Italian food for lunch? You must monitor your consumption. You somehow find yourself in a room filled from floor to ceiling with cookies? You must monitor your consumption. I know mantras can help for some people when they’re faced with eating challenges (like “put that shit down!”) but I’ve yet to find one that works for me. Mindfulness is key to consistently eating foods that nourish your body and this is where I struggle the most.

Exercise is a little easier for me once I got past comparing myself to other’s workout habits. I can’t go from being sedentary to a cross fit instructor in two days; it’s just unrealistic. I give myself breaks and I also allow myself to only go to the gym for 15-30 minutes.

There have been times where I’ve driven to the gym, parked my car, extended my hand near the car door handle, and then subsequently drove away with my middle finger out the window. I keep myself from doing this now by ensuring myself that all I have to do is workout for 15-30 minutes. I usually end up working out for longer but allowing myself that freedom gets me in the door.

Here we go:

Current weight: 239 lbs

Goal weight: 200 lbs

Exercise Frequency: 5 days/wk

Intention: Mindful eating without OVEReating.

Girl, What Weight Loss Journey?

So, about me:

• I’ve been overweight since I was six years old.
• I was a daily binge eater throughout middle school and high school. I refused to eat during the day but then would go to town on ramen noodles, cookies, cakes, and any other type of processed food when I got home. I HATED my body and knew nothing about nutrition because they didn’t teach it in school. I had one health class in middle school and then nothing else. Like, what kind of shit is that?! Is it too much to teach personal finance and consistent health/wellness to middle/high school kids? Just basic life skills, right? Whatever so yeah, I was a binge eater and I didn’t even know that represented an eating disorder until recently.
• I gained close to 40 lbs in college by eating Wendy’s, personal (and not-so-personal) pizzas, and Chipotle daily and also not lifting even a pinky toe for exercise.
• I graduated and moved out on my own. I taught myself about nutrition and lost 30 lbs.
• I then experienced two very toxic situationships and gained 20 lbs back.
• I’m presently a yo-yo dieter lost in the sauce and I allow myself to binge on sweets and carbs because I feel like I deserve them.

I love to peruse YouTube for weight loss tips and motivation and I constantly see videos from women who have already lost the weight. While those are helpful (and absolutely necessary), where are those like me that are presently going through it? I’m so proud of those women, don’t get me wrong but where is the girl that struggles with it and obsesses over their weight every second of every day?

“Can I eat this and just work it off later?”

“I can’t wait to wear a crop top. I’m sick of my stomach.”

“I need to do better. I’ll get back on track tomorrow”

Shit’s hard, yo. It’s taken me 26 years to recognize that my mind does all of my bidding and that I haven’t learned to self-motivate because I never even knew that it was attainable. So now it’s hard to upgrade my mindset and get positive to stay positive. There has to be someone out there like me.

Truthfully, the purpose of this blog is for my own outward accountability: to be mindful consistently, to bless myself with a healthy body, and to stick to my goals. Posting this shit on the Internet for anyone to see could be a game changer for me and could also motivate someone else in the process. If one person reads my ranting and gets something positive from it, I’ve done my job.